There's a certain place in hell...

I think a lot about hell.

There was a year long period where I was told I was going to hell,
repetitively.

It happens when you're not the religious type,
and you are related to/living with born again Christians.

I found some comfort in the retort, "At least I'll be amongst friends".

Like another wise Long Islander once sang,
"I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with saints,
the sinners are much more fun..."

But an article my sister sent me made me think different,
and laugh a lot on the subway.

Maybe I won't get to be with my friends in hell.
Maybe there are different sections
and we're split up based on severity.

I'm hoping my section will be with the people
who used the lord's name in vain a million and six times,
or at least get that joke.

I know hell isn't supposed to be fun and games.
It's torture and brimstone.

But some people are into that, right?
So, part of me thinks hell is a place where it's all the things you hate.
Like mine would be radio DJ's doing banter all day long while I watched local news reports.

I get a pains just thinking about it.

But what has me thinking about hell these days?

OJ Simpson and his interview
about if he had killed his wife and her lover, how he did it.

I really hope we don't share the same space in hell.
Because, by my accounts he should be getting the worse torture hell has to offer.

And whoever buys his book has another section of hell
where they have to listen to Bill O'Reilly read his sex book*.

Oh, and his publisher.
This marketing whiz needs to be brought down.

Seriously, someone stop them, please.

They're ruining hell for the rest of us.


*They have to listen to it, not read it. See, they played an excerpt of O'Reilly himself reading it aloud for the book-on-tape version once on Al Franken's radio show. I had to turn it off immediately, pull over to the side of the road, and dry heave. I WISH I was kidding.