You Always Wanna See Your Ex-Lover in the Morning

Some days Roommate Tom and I take the subway in together.
Even though it's early in the morning, we usually have amusing banter.
On Monday, we were having our normal grunts and then we pulled into Steinway Street station, and my freakin' ex saunters on to MY train.

Now, I never let Tom meet my ex, because I knew Tom would have a field day making fun of him. And Tom's not good at being subtle when he dislikes a person. But it was like a Monday morning gift from God to have this dill-weed roll in for us to feast on.

"Tom, dude, that is the comic."

"That dude?"

"Yeah."

"...I just threw up in my mouth a little."

"I know. Do you now see why I never let you meet him?"

"He's a meat head. Also, he's wearing sunglasses on the subway. I fuckin' hate that."

"He goes hunting at street fairs for those specific ones."

"You're shitting me."

"No."

"Did he see you?"

"No, but if he does he'll probably think I'm dating you."

"...Want me to fist you?"

"Yeah Tom, that will really show him that we're a young couple in love."

We then continued on with our mocking banter till I had to change stations. Tom stayed on the R and told me later that after I left the comic started, "Rockin' out to his headphones in a major way, almost as if he was retarded."

"Almost?" I replied.

Tom said, "Well, think of it this way, the only way to go from here is up."