The Invite To Your Wedding

Hey Pal That's Engaged!

I am so enthused that you and ___ are engaged. That is absolutely not a surprise to hear. I love both of you and think it's wonderful that you are going for it. Yay, marriage!

What's that? The wedding is in _____state? How great! You'll get to be with your entire family.

I know! Parents are crazy with guest lists. You're at how many people? That is a lot.

Here's a suggestion, don't invite me. No, totally, it's cool.

Why?
It's not that I don't love you and want to be part of your special day. It's that dresses, and those gifts I'll be getting you (for engagement, shower and wedding) are expensive.

What was that? You guys are registered for all the things I can't afford for myself but desperately need? Awesome.
Those bath towels I also wanted will be a much better edition to your linen closet full of two people's sets of towels, as opposed to my Little Mermaid beach towel that I keep laundering.

In conclusion, Pal, I could not be happier for you two, except if you left me off that invite list.

I wish you nothing but happiness.

...Wait! Who else is going to be there? And you're having what served?
Good lord.
Shrimp AND Steak?
And of course an open bar....

Ya know what, on second thought, I wouldn't miss your wedding for the world. Count me in.

Note to self...stop buying food for a month. This will aid in wedding fees and weight loss.