Trip to Meet My Nephew: Trip Home

So, on Monday morning Jen and I hit the road. We were both sad to say goodbye and the giant hugs I gave and received from Matt and Jeannette made me feel a rush of sadness I haven't felt for a long time.

It was reminiscent of when I was younger and Jen, Matt and Mike would leave for college. Because of the age gap, their college years were during my kindergarten to grammar school years and when they would go I would often run up to my room and cry into my teddy bear for a while. I would also listen to Billy Joel, because Long Islanders do that no matter what mood we're in.

As we pulled away, embarking once again on our 13 hour journey, Jen and I felt like road warriors. We could do this, heck we already knew the way to I-95 from our brother's place, this was easy peasy. The trip gave us time to look at all the road signs.

My favorite part of the road trip was probably talking to Jen, but second to that had to be Pedro and the ridiculous signs for South of the Border. If you are not familiar with these signs, well you obviously haven't driven north on 95 through the state that does not end, South Carolina- or from North Carolina to the South Carolina border.
South of the Border is the most obvious tourist trap you've ever seen. You get the hint by, oh the 20th sign you see for it. When we were driving back my reporter sister, who had just learned how to use my iPhone decided to research the place. The following are my favorite facts about South of the Border:

• It claims to have the largest sign IN THE WORLD. (Coming from NYC, I'm pretty sure that's false.)
• It has a large variety of shops, from antiques to adult pleasure store that boasts anything you'd need from a sex shop.
• It started as a beer stand - the perfect roadside stop.
• It has a large tower that is 200 feet high with a spectacular view of, absolutely nothing.
• DOZENS of people get married there ever summer.

The marriage thing still cracks me up. I am the only Funke child currently not married. Naturally this gave way to my sister and I speculating that surely, the only man good enough for me would understand the need for us to exchange nuptials in a road side tourist trap because of the hilarity factor.

The day after we returned from our road trip to Jen's in Virgina we were both exhausted. I spent most of the day playing with my adorable niece and dreading going back to New York. As much as I worried about the crazy, whirlwind, exhausting nature of this trip on paper, the actual execution of it was quite wonderful. Going back on an 8 hour luxury bus (SO glad I thought ahead and realized I wouldn't want to do another Greyhound transfer) seemed horrible on so many levels.

1. I didn't want to sit anymore.
2. I didn't want to see the open road for a while.
3. I didn't want to return to New York City where my family was so far, far away from me.
   

There was hope though.
I mean, I do love New York City. I love living alone with my adorable fat cat (that I am allergic to). And I love my friends, my comedy and my job - which are all in New York.
The other thing is-
While I was away I booked tickets for my next big trip: To go to my brother Mike's house for Thanksgiving.

When it comes to vacations, mine can be put to the tune of Billy Joel's New York State of Mind:
Some folks like to get away take a holiday from the neighborhood
Hop a flight to Miami Beach or Hollywood
I'm navigating a Greyhound, and then takin' I-95
I'm going to go see that Funke family of mine.

Trip to Meet My Nephew: Zachary

My nephew is a month old today. His name is Zachary, and as easy as it would be to say that he's just like any newborn: a wrinkley tiny human that does little more than eat, sleep, and poop- I can't say that.
Zachary looks so much like a part of my family that when I saw him it was as if my mind was piecing together all the old baby photos of my father and brothers at once. Then he opened his eyes and had pretty piercing blue eyes like my step sister. He was not just another sack of baby, he is Zachary, my new nephew.
I wasn't running to hold him though.

There were other things clamouring for my attention. My brother owns 3 mid-sized dogs that are all eager to sniff you and make you their new bff. Figment is the one they had the longest, and while he's no part cocker spaniel it's as if he was the dog Lady, from disney's "Lady and the Tramp" was drawn from. Then they got Taz, which was the dogs given name. This dog seems fated to have been with Matt. When we were younger Matt loved the Tazmanian Devil and even decorated his Jeep Wrangler with Taz accessories. Taz the dog is a mutt with a tail that is slightly curved as if he too were coming out if a whirl wind.
Last, but not least there is the leader of the pack, Tinker Bell. Tink found my brother and sister in law. She was running around their neighborhood aimlessly as a crazy puggel and came up to them. They searched for her owners an by the time they realized she had no home, she had made theirs hers.
This Motley pack of dogs were all so cuddley that I almost didn't realize I hadn't held my nephew at the end of that first night.
The next morning that was corrected when I cautiously took Zachary in my arms. There's something about me and my nieces and nephews that makes me not want to sing baby songs to them. Each of the wee ones I've held I've softly sang to them in cooing tones horribly inappropriate songs. Nothing that resembles a lullabye lyrically, but in tone and level, very sweet. It's not on purpose, it just happens.
So, as I held this adorable baby I started singing softly to him a little diddy from comedic songwriter Stephen Lynch. And he cooed and closed his eyes for sweet slumber.
The rest of the time in Florida was spent catching up with matt and his wife, Jeannette. It was so great to reconnect face to face after all these years. It was also nice to be around Matt because we are quite a bit alike. In fact we even look alike and to hear us be told we look and sound similar again felt oddly homey and sweet after all these years.
And that was my time in Florida.

Trip to Meet My Nephew: VA to FL

As I navigated the greyhound bus through Virginia we chatted sporadically, to keep him awake. Mostly because when I took the navigation over he confessed to me, "I've been on 15 hours now."
I told Curtis of this family adventure I was taking. "this is my first greyhound ride," I confessed.
"You picked the wrong day to start," he said in a tone that sounded like he thought we might die that night.
We didn't.
I got us to 3 out of 4 stops with only a few illegal u- turns. By the time I got us to Charlottesville it was 10:30, an hour and half late, but just in time for the people to make their transfer. Everyone got off the bus, and I was hugged and thanked by passengers. Which was nice but I barely said goodbyes as I ran to my sister and told her I really needed a drink.
"you kinda look like you've been to 'nam," she said. I dunno if it was that harsh, but it definite wasn't the restful ride I hoped for before our estimated 13 hour drive to Florida we were embarking on the next morning.
That night after a drink and some wings, I passed out on jen's couch. I was awoken the next morning to my 7 year old nephew's "whispering" my name, followed by my 3 year old niece also attempting to whisper, "Aunt Sue!"
I hugged them both hello and then shortly after was getting ready to hit the road.
It took jen and I 14 hours to get to Florida, with multiple stops for peeing and a long one for a big Mexican lunch. Uneventful on the road, but fun conversations and a good time was had by both of us.
More tomorrow on the reason for the excursion, my newest nephew.

Trip to meet my nephew: the bus ride

So, my last blog got cut off because I was writing it on the bus. It was going to go into how there was no eta for the bus but she was positive that the bus would be there by ten and I said something like she was missing a variable in her equation and she told me that I could get my money back and not go at all.
That story was interrupted from my blog because of our bus driver, Curtis.
"Hello, ladies and gentleman and welcome to the greyhound bus to Charlottesville, VA. I am your bus driver Curtis. I a NYC line driver and never done this route before. We will be making stops at x, and x and x along the way* if I miss your stop just holler at me. Again, my name is Curtis."
As Curtis walked back up the bus to take the wheel I looked around to the other wide-eyed passengers, my new friends from the past hour. We had fought to esure peoples transfers together, gone through the drunk dude pissing himself together. We had all foolishly thought that once we were on this bus we'd be on our ways. We collectively decided to just ignore this news by shaking our heads and shrugging.
We drove about dc for about ten minutes before Curtis pulled the bus over and once again walked back to address us. He was sheepishly holding four pieces of paper, "um, would anyone be able to help me with the directions?"
No one said anything. A few people shifted awkwardly in their seats.
"Look, I'm lost already so if someone can just come sit up there and help me with these directions -"
I looked around and saw that no one was volunteering. Mostly because most of them were in the state of shock.
"I'll do it," I said, and I grabbed my iPhone and carry on bag and walked to the front of the bus.
I looked at the paper directions and realized we had two block too far.
" ok, so we need to make a u turn."
"lady, I'm driving a bus, we don't just make u turns."
"ok, um go ahead to the light and make a left into that parking lot and turn around."
"ok you watch for cops cause I'm not really supposed to go in a lot that small."
We sucessfully turn the bus around and I got us headed to what I thought was the right way from the map and direction sheet combo.
As I poured over my gps map on my iPhone and tried to get through a city that I've only had brief relations with when my sister lived there, 15 years ago, I heard a woman's digital voice.
"go straight, at light make left on 3rd street."
"Um, Curtis, do you have a gps navigator your holding out on me?" I asked.
"are you crazy? Hell no!" he said as he tried to mannuevere the bus through traffic.
I turn to the bus and shout, who has a gps?
A Spanish woman holds up her phone, " I do on my phone, but I have to stay with my daughter, here you take."
Now using two gps devices and paper directions I get us on track with what had been written for Curtis to do.
20 minutes later we're out of dc but lost again. The paper directions are written by someone who didn't so much know street names but food chains: at the 2nd right side mcdonalds make a left
As we were about to do our second turn around on this lef of the trip it dawned on me to ask if anyone was getting out at this stop.
"speak now or forever miss your stop!"
No one spoke. I called out the other stops and got at least one or two yeses or hands raised so I made the executive decision that we weren't making the first stop. Now, I know you might be thinkin, but Sue, what of the peolple that might be waiting at that stop. In my mind, I had four people on my bus trying to catch a transfer and those people at the other station were saved from this crazy bus.
...more later


*I don't remember the other three towns names so i'm leaving them out, Curtis did read them off his paper directions.

Trip to Meet My Nephew: 2nd email to jen

-----Original Message-----
From: Sue Funke
Still not on bus, they forgot to call a replacement driver when ours
called out sick. I'll possibly be closer to 10, and I'll definitely
need alcohol.
Not three bottles of scotch like the drunk hippie though. He's laying
on the floor now.
Woo hoo greyhound!
Xo,
Sue


-----Original Message-----
From: Jen
I admit, I really did just LOL! Sorry you're running so late.

... About 30 min after this message, after the drunk hippie got escorted out, I went to find out more about the missing driver.
In my mind I tried to think of what card I could play.
"I know travel writers! I work for About.com!"
I even, for a quick minute considered pulling out my NY Times ID, but then considered the massive ethics issues that could cause and decided to just go with being a fiesty white woman.
"ok, its bern 30 minutes without an update, I really need to speak with your manager now," I said in my serious reporter voice.
"mmhmm, I know but she's in a meetin'"
"This is a pull-her- out-of-the-meeting situation," I said in my don't- f- with me voice.
She then went into the back for like 1 minute and came back with the following story:
Well, see here, the bus driver, we got a new bus driver, is up on the hill making sure the bus is working ok, because - and now this is my fault, I'll take responsibility for this part - I didn't realize you didn't have a bus.
I can refund your money, my manager authorized me to do that or get you another ticket.

"What am I supposed to do? Wait here for the bus that leaves tomorrow? Is there no bus? Am I just gonna stay here? Or are you gonna give us a place to stay? I wanna know should we all just come to your place for dinner?"

She replied, "No the bus should be here and will definitely be in Charlottsville no later than 10."

"ok so is there an eta of when

Trip to Meet My Nephew: email to Jen

Jen emailed me telling me she had a bad dream that I had arrived last night and she has forgotten me. While this was amusing, it didn't beat the entertainment at the greyhound station. Below is the email I sent her-

Ha you know I wouldn't come without constant updates.
I'm still not on the greyhound that was supposed to leave at 5:05. There is however entertainment from the drunk hippie ahead of me online. He was telling this cute 20 something black dude about how the planets crashed together and made Alaska, and how he should be proud to be an American, and then dropped his ticket and hit his head against the wall while bending down to grab it- it was then he sheepishly admitted that he had "a lil scotch".
Oh wait I think he's going to start complaining- I gotta watch this.
I'm also not sure if the drunk old dude is farting bad or if it's just that this entire place smells like shit.
(turns out he soiled his pants)
Yay! Adventure travel.
The drunk old man got distracted by a bird and has decided not to complain.
I'm totally blogging this.
Love,
Your little sister, Sue
Sent from my iPhone, because I'm a lady on the go.

Trip to Meet my Nephew Day 1

So, I guess I should start this travel blog with an explanation as to what this trip is all about.
It's pretty much the making of an indie film:
I'm taking two buses down to semi rural Virginia from New York to my sister's home where she resides with a husband and two children. We are then leaving her family behind and driving about 13 hours south to reunite with our brother and his wife whom we haven't seen in over two years, and meet his newborn son.
Can you hear the folk music play yet?
Driving down was my idea. As a New Yorker Ive had to ditch my passion for driving and learn to settle for the thrill of finding the fastest subway route.
My sister and I have also taken a road trip before that was quite memorable, though at the time I was too young to help drive. I was 13 and jen, my mother and I went to Baltimore, charlottseville, and I think perhaps Pennsylvania as well. It was a fun trip, and my sister found her now home on that trip.
I highly doubt I'll find a new place to live along 95 in one of the Carolinas. In fact, as I watched the skyline on the N today I thought, "I'm gonna miss you New York."
And then some dude's back pack nailed me on the head and I thought, "maybe it is time for a vacation. I could use some personal space."